Book Report Part 2

Juicemobiles, the Big Bang Theory and Spectator Shots

Some years ago, I predicted that the greatest threat to boating as we know it will come from the Eco Freaks. Presently, boaters are under attack on many fronts typified by a book called Polluting for Pleasure by Andre Mele that I started ragging on last month. This month the ragging continues…

Juicemobiles

Mele keeps reiterating the fact that by 1998 Southern California will require two percent of all vehicles sold there to be “zero emission vehicles” (meaning electric powered) or auto makers will not be able to sell their cars there. His premise is that, if the auto industry can do it, the boating industry can too. The fact is that the automotive industry, despite its vast R&D resources, deep pockets and 15 years of research can’t do it and has yet to come up with a practical hum car. 

Problems: They are heavy, batteries have to be replaced every two years at great expense, range is only about 100 miles before needing recharging, and they are very slow and very expensive. Unless the liberal butterflies in California rescind this foolish law, the outcome will be obvious: Prices of “real cars” will increase maybe $3,000 each to subsidize the buzz bombs which must be sold at a great loss because nobody will pay $30,000 for a damned wheezing, heavy, juice powered crap box.

Confirming the Big Bang Theory

He also makes a case for the potential of sails to augment the pitiful performance of electric boats. Repeated references are made to “the unregulated boat industry” with shots taken at inboard gasoline engines and diesel engines. He proposes to revolutionize propeller design to eke out more efficiency (which inevitably leads to large, slow turning propellers on slow boats). But he keeps coming back to the two cycle outboard. “First and most critical, the two cycle outboard must be so heavily discouraged by society that it all but vanishes from sight.” 

All this because his damn sandwich got wet! Unfortunately for Mele, the outboard industry was well on its way to developing cleaner powerheads (four cycle) well before Mele’s book was conceived making it redundant but cleaner outboards are only the first item of his so called “eight-point repowering plan.” Other points include fuel injection, turbo charging and catalytic converters for all inboard gas engines, hybrid boats propelled by a combination of internal combustion engines and battery powered boats, and natural gas(!) powered inboard boats. (Great combination: red hot CAT converters and natural gas. Does Mr. Mele know how to spell “BOMB?”) 

While he strongly advocates slow, heavy, sluggish boats, he graciously allows that people who want to go fast on the water (his definition of “fast” is 15 knots) should try one of the following: catamarans powered with four stroke outboards; rotary engine powered runabouts and stepped bottom planing sport cruisers; despite the fact that this stuff isn’t practical and/or people don’t want this crap (just as they don’t want electric cars).

Mele Takes on Your Spectator

Well folks, I’ve saved the best for last: Mele has devoted about a page and a half to... yours truly, your ever diligent Spectator! Listen up because this is classic. Mele praises my work on long, slender hulls such as the original Midnight Lace (which, by the way, he states was 44’ long and 12’ wide. Well, the widely publicized Midnight Lace was in fact 11’ wide. If Mele can’t get a simple fact like this straight, why should we believe the rest?) He gives it a “very respectable” 2.5 rating on his Greenie-o-meter scale. 

He goes on: “Fexas’ theory (on long, skinny boats) was based on an assumption that sensible boat owners, unwilling to spend ever increasing hundreds of dollars for the fuel to take their weekend trips, would buy boats (presumably Fexas designs) that were more efficient. Unfortunately, the last decade has shown that boat owners will cheerfully spend hundreds, even thousands of dollars on a short cruise to sustain their illusions of speed and power.” Here comes the good part: “and Fexas, not one to let the world pass him by, has gone with the flow. He now draws enormous, wide, fuel guzzling cruisers and sportfisherman (which rate in the area of 1.2 and below) and is doing quite well for himself. He is one of the very few household words in a profession that normally does not recognize or reward its innovators and stars.” Thank you, Mr. Mele... I think.

No Sympathy for Greenie Weenies

Here is the part of the book I am absolutely qualified to comment on. First, the Midnight Laces and similar boats were not, were not in any way whatsoever developed out of a sympathy for Greenie Weenies or saving fossil fuel (although these were certainly byproducts of the designs). No, they were developed because they, in the words of the man on the dock “run good.” Yes, they were developed because they ran flat and effortlessly, quickly jumped on step, were soft riding at sea and relatively inexpensive due to their small engines. As Mele describes me, I sold out! …abandoned the cause! …turned my back on the Greenies! …going on to draw “enormous, wide, fuel guzzling cruisers and sportfisherman” and get rich. This may be the only part of the book that’s close to accurate. 

My job as a boat and yacht designer is not to be a crusader, nor an inventor, nor an innovator (although all of the above is fun). My job is to make a living for myself and the good people that work with me drawing boats as requested by my clients (Does Mr. Mele know how to spell “free enterprise?”) The fact is, however, that we still draw Midnight Lace type boats when we are allowed to and our hulls, “enormous and wide” as they may be, remain fuel efficient for their size due to our experience with lightweight construction and long, skinny hulls. I’m not sorry I disappointed you Mr. Mele and I’m not sorry, that I’ve been moderately successful at my profession. 

What I am sorry about, however, is that you are destined to cruise around huddled and soggy under a sagging canopy of solar cells in a three-knot boat that will swamp at the slightest provocation forgoing the joy of running fast and clean at sea. You cannot make me feel guilty for what I’ve accomplished or sorry for “wasting” fossil fuel (I’ll reiterate how I feel about that next month).

Next month we’ll continue this book report with a stinging indictment of Mele and his green friends. It will truly be a Melee!

(Reprinted with permission of Regina Fexas.)

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