Book Report Part 3

Revealed! The True Reason Behind the Book

If anybody in this wide world has any substantive proof that powerboats are a significant source of water and air pollution, it has yet to be revealed. In the past few columns, I’ve been having some fun with a new book titled Polluting for Pleasure by Andre Mele.

Mama N -- The Greatest Destroyer of the Environment of All Time

Instead of devoting this book to powerboats (or the demise of same), Mele could have better spent his time taking on some of the well-known and blatant contributors to pollution: MUNICIPALITIES (dumping unregulated toxins into our air and water), FARMS (runoff of pesticides and animal waste), BIG BUSINESSES (routinely dump waste and chemicals and pollute the air), OLD CARS (which, although small in number, produce more pollutants than ALL of the new cars presently on the road), and, finally, MOTHER NATURE who is the greatest polluter and destroyer of the environment of all time (volcanoes, earthquakes, hurricanes, forest fires, floods, tornadoes, mud slides, waste from billions of animals throughout the world, meteorite bombardments, and let’s not forget the Ice Age). 

Yet, with all the above obvious pickings, Mele chooses to go after the most vulnerable, visible, easy target available: Powerboatsmen (and women too) unprotected by powerful lobbies who, when compared to all the above polluters, produce a truly negligible percentage of pollutants worldwide.

Mele is yet another example of environmental bullies preying on the unprotected. Farmers and big business protect themselves with well-funded lobbies. Municipalities are one great lobby in themselves which will resist infringement upon its way of life. Liberal environmentalists certainly won’t go after the owners of pollutant spewing beater cars of the 60’s and 70’s that are still on the road because that’s just the kind of car they usually drive themselves! Finally, of course, it’s not very productive fighting Mother Nature. So who’s left? The poor slob cruising down the river on a Sunday afternoon in his 13’ Boston Whaler. 

Mankind -- Placed on Earth to Pollute?

It’s time to get deep. As I’ve said before, I believe man, in the infinite wisdom of Mother Nature was placed on earth along with all other living creatures for a cause. Nature is a wonderful system of checks and balances, designating each life form on earth for a specific function. Therefore, people must have been put on this earth for a reason. If we are warming the environment maybe this is by design to prevent another Ice Age. If we are polluting the air maybe this is for a reason we cannot yet understand or imagine. The point is, who the hell knows?

You Are Under My Command

Mele exhibits all the paranoid “I’m a victim” traits of greenie weenies all over the world but after all the misleading talk about pollution, the real point of the whole book, the reason for this book is in one sentence on page 25 which goes as follows: “JUST BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE CAN AFFORD TO BUY 100 GALLONS AN HOUR, ARE THEY ENTITLED FROM THE VIEWPOINTS OF SOCIETY AND ENVIRONMENT TO BE BURNING IT IN A PERPETUAL JOYRIDE?” Ah ha! Well, there it is friends -- Mele finally shows his true colors.  

The point behind the book is SOCIAL CHANGE. Further along this Bolshevik train of thought on page 162 he says “Powerboaters can be programmed!! to enjoy boating at 15 knots instead of 30 knots. Better still 5 knots instead of 50.” “Programmed?” Shades of Manchurian Candidate! It always comes down to the same damned thing: underachievers against the achievers. The “if I’m driving a beat-up Volvo, everybody should be driving a beat-up Volvo syndrome.” 

My response is simple and not very eloquent: THIS IS THE LAND OF FREE ENTERPRISE, PAL, AND IF SOMEONE WORKS HARD AND SUCCEEDS, HE HAS THE RIGHT TO SPEND HIS BUCKS AS HE WISHES. SO WHY NOT TAKE YOUR UNMARKETABLE LITTLE WHEEZING JUICE BOATS TO A “PEOPLE’S REPUBLIC” COUNTRY LIKE CUBA OR NORTH KOREA WHERE FOLKS CAN’T BUY 100 GALLONS PER HOUR AND SEE HOW THEY SELL THERE?

Red and Green Does Not Mean Christmas

You know, it took 50 years to defeat the Reds who were considered to be the ultimate menace to the world. Well, now the Reds are virtually gone but we are faced with a far more insidious opponent operating under the guise of the environment: The Greens! Think about it! The Reds and Greens are not all that different. Both are looking to degrade achievers and elevate the status of the under achievers until all are on a common, bleak, uniform, grey, uninteresting, plane. (The strange thing is that the commie countries have traditionally shown complete, wanton disregard for the environment.) 

Yes, friends, Big Brother time may be with us again unless we identify this movement for what it is and mount strong opposition. Otherwise, you, too, may find yourself huddled under a sagging canopy of solar cells boating in a miserable juice cruiser at three knots. My advice is such: Start fighting now or save your old magazines because if the Greenie Weenies have it their way, you will, in the future, be doing an awful lot of reading while under way.

Going Out with A Bang!

My personal feelings about using fossil fuel and, its attendant pollution can be summed up by a paragraph from the December 1990, Spectator: “Yes, someday soon, we will run out of petroleum, but look at this way: What the hell difference does it make if I burn the last drop of high octane in my 454 ‘Vette in 2005 or my grandson burns the last drop in his hybrid, three wheeled, wheezing, economizer cocoon in 2020? 

Whether now or then, technology will rise to the challenge and come up with substitutes. Hell, if we are going to run out of fuel, let’s go out in style driving Ferrari F-40s, Aston Martins, Dodge Vipers and V-12 BMWs. Let’s go out with a bang instead of a wheezing whimper… so go out now and buy that 400-hp Lamborghini Diablo or that 6,000-hp turbine-powered speedboat or that Lear jet and enjoy them while you can. At least you’ll be able to tell your grandchildren you once owned one of the world’s great cars or boats or planes and they'll be worth big bucks after their ilk is legislated out of existence.” AMEN.

(Reprinted with permission of Regina Fexas.)

If you would like to read more of Tom's pearls of wisdom, tune in next Friday -- "Fexas Friday." 

Better yet, why not get a full dose of infectious Fexas whenever you need it -- and buy one of the volumes below.  Better yet, why not buy all of them -- we call them the "Fexas Five." They will provide many evenings of fun reading (better than Netflix), and you'll make the widow Regina very happy knowing that Tom will live on with you the way most of us remember him. 

Order 1, 2 or "The Fexas Five" --

To find the "Fexas Five" on Amazon, click here...