Imposters

Eight Easy Steps to Determine if the Bucks Are There

One of the difficulties involved in earning one’s living in the marine business is to find a way to weed out the “players” from the “actors.” True story: a number of years ago a hot shot broker from one of the big houses in Fort Lauderdale calls me saying he has a client who wants us to design him a custom motor yacht. Big time broker meets his client at the airport in Fort Lauderdale in the morning and makes the hour and a half back to my office in Stuart treating the client to breakfast on the way. They arrive, we sit down at my conference table, break out drawings and start talking. Somebody (maybe me) springs for lunch. This guy seems to know what he is talking about and gets into all the little details talking about head fixtures, the color of his compass card and the style of fiddles the joinerwork will incorporate. He even picked out a name for the boat, which, as I remember, was to be a “90 something” footer. Copious notes are taken, sketches are made and, in the late afternoon, our broker goes back to Fort Lauderdale and buys the guy dinner before putting him back on the plane.

Broker calls me the next day telling me this guy is “really hot” and money apparently is not a problem. Then… nothing for weeks. Hot Shot Broker could not understand it and started doing some checking with people in the industry in other parts of the country. Turns out our “client” could not afford bottom paint for a pram and – get this – travels around the country talking to designers and brokers about a vessel that will never be (what I call a “vapor vessel”). Not a bad life – three free squares a day, being ferried around in a broker’s fancy car and meeting muckety mucks of the boating industry. How could this guy afford airfare? My theory: the “client” lived out of his car parking it at airports to meet brokers pretending he just got off a plane! This happened to me more than once and, believe it or not, boat buying impostors are rather a common occurrence in our business. 

The System

What is needed here is a foolproof system of separating the “players” from the “actors” and I am just the guy to develop it. You really cannot tell if a person is a player by the obvious. No sir. It is the subtleties that will clue you as to your client’s financial abilities. Things to look for are as follows: 

1. Parking with Abandon - I am riding in a client’s car in Europe and we stop for lunch or dinner along the way. We are in something special like a blown Jaguar or a Ferrari or a big Benz. The cities of Europe are old enough not to have been designed with motor cars in mind, therefore, when parking in places like Rome or Paris or Frankfurt, it is every man for himself. Innovation and cunning is the norm. So, this guy takes his $120,000 masterpiece and parks it in the street with the front wheels up on the sidewalk squeezed between a couple of clapped-out Fiats! Immediately, I know this guy has beaucoup bucks because, whenever I have owned an exotic car, I was afraid to use the damn thing much less park it in the street. Fact is, the worst one treats his fancy car, the more qualified he is.
2. A Rug? - I have had few potential clients come to my office who were very obviously wearing toups. Let’s face it, there is nothing worse than a bad rug and most of these guys look like they’re walking around with dead muskrats on their heads. On the other hand, there are people whose hair is so damned perfect that you think it might be a toup but you are not sure. These are guys who spend big hair bucks are, no doubt, qualified to buy major watercraft. 
3. The Reversed Watch - Anybody nowadays can buy a “knock off” Cartier or Rolex for about 20 bucks in the street. It is impossible to tell these from the real things until, after a while, they turn green. My experience has shown that men of means have a tendency to wear their fancy watches with the face on the inside of their wrists rather than the outside. This showing of inconspicuous consumption says a hell of a lot and tells you that this guy probably has the cash for a major project. 
4. Toys - Adult toys can say a lot about one’s financial worth. An old client and friend had a predilection for remote controlled model planes. I am not talking about balsa stick models powered by buzzy glow plug engines here. I am talking about very expensive exotic scale model aircraft like F16 jet fighters (powered by real, miniature jet engines) and Apache helicopters. There were problems, however. The model jet had the capability of traveling at very high speeds – speeds that could maim or kill a person and destroy small cars. And helicopters are notoriously complicated to fly so… this fine Southern gentleman went out and hired “professional pilots” to fly his model jets and helicopters for him!! Now that’s real money! 
5. Dog Day Meetings - Let’s face it. It takes guts to bring your dog to a meeting with you. This is something only wealthy people will do. So, when a dog appears in your office accompanied by a human, that human can buy a boat. 
6. Boat Names - Ask your prospective client what he plans to name his vessel. Guys with real money will usually come up with some elegant names. Over the years, we have been lucky enough to have some major designs named “Lady Morrison,” “Transition,” “La Baroness,” “Captivator” or “Compass Rose.” Names like this indicate true wealth. On the other hand, if your “client” plans to name his vessel “Arm Pit” or “Bug Juice” or “Horse Ship” he probably can’t afford a dammed canvas twist fastener. 
7. Reverse Sales Ploy - One of the staples in the marine business is the reverse sales ploy, which goes something like this: a client is having trouble making up his mind and committing to anything after being shown a great number of vessels. The broker (or designer) then looks at the client sympathetically and says something like: “Look, you really can’t afford this boat.” The reaction to these words is telling. If the guy simply stands up and says something like “You’re probably right” and walks away he is, likely, a moneyed client. But if he scrambles to show you how much money he has, he is probably a looser.
8. Clothes Do Not Make the Person - I have had a good number of clients who dress like bums. You simply cannot judge a man (or a woman) by their garb. Many truly wealthy people do not want to appear wealthy (and, many truly wealthy people are just simply slobs). Once, into a major brokerage house, walked a scruffy looking middle-aged woman. Everyone in the office judged her to be a “bag lady” looking for a handout and the broker that was “up” for the next walk-in client quickly disappeared. One finally approached her. To make a long story short, she ended up purchasing a major yacht. Yes, clothes do not identify a buyer but your nose can. Generally, I can tell you that people of means rarely smell bad. While I am sure there are exceptions to this, you can usually take this to the bank. 

Well, now that I have let the cat out of the bag, I am sure stumblebums in boating centers all over the country will be rolling into brokerage offices looking for free meals, excursions in expensive cars and meetings with shakers in the industry (to Richard Theil, my fearless editor: I am not intimating that bums read PMY – but the story will get out.) Have no fear. Armed with the above information, you have the power to discern.

(Reprinted with permission of Regina Fexas.)

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