The Little Yacht Broker That Could

You Can Fight City Hall

It’s all over. As most everybody knows by now, the “luxury tax” on boats, furs, jewelry and aircraft has been repealed. What you probably don’t know is that diesel power boat owners have taken a Big Hit in order that Wind Wusses can sail off into the sunset and furriers, jewelers and aircraft salesmen can all sell their goods unimpeded by the unfair, ill-conceived “luxo tax.” This is the inside story of how diesel power boaters were singled out to subsidize tax free activities of the others.

Cure All, End All

The story starts in 1990 when George “No New Taxes” Bush caved into the Democrats shrill cries for more money to “balance the budget” (and, in the process, sealed his fate for the ‘92 election). This 1990 agreement was deemed by all the sages in Washington to be the cure all end all for the United States’ budget deficit problem. Yeah, right! Part of that package imposed a ten percent “luxury tax” on the sale of boats priced over $100,000. 

The idea was to stick it to all those “rich guys” buying boats. It turns out the “rich guys” stuck it to the government and, indirectly, to the boat industry simply by not buying new boats. This act in itself cost the government mega millions, not only because people didn’t pay the “luxury tax” but, most importantly, because of losses incurred by the 30,000 or so out of work people associated with the boat industry. These people were collecting unemployment and food stamps, not paying income taxes, not buying stuff and were no contribution whatsoever to growing the economy. Additionally, grand amounts of local cash was also being lost in state sales taxes never paid for new boats and equipment. 

The “Painless” Tax

Although they are now improving, sailboat sales have been in the holding tank for the past nine or ten years now, and some guys selling sailboats have gotten pretty desperate. Smart ones have taken on powerboat lines. Others have taken more devious routes. The Little Yacht Broker that Could was out to make things a little better for himself and his sailing brethren at power boater’s expense. 

He became a puff boat crusader, barraging Congress and the media with letters, writing guest editorials in local newspapers and publishing his own poopsheet, advocating a 20.1 cent diesel fuel tax for pleasure boats only as an appropriate offset for the ten percent “luxury tax” imposed by Congress. The beauty of this tax was that most diesel powerboaters wouldn’t feel the pinch which is a story in itself. It seems that, unknown to most boatsmen and those in the industry, diesel boat owners could, up until now, apply for a 20.1 cent per gallon diesel tax rebate each year. Talk about a cover-up! 

Mink Food Tax?

The Democrapic (no misspelling here!) Congress, of course, loves the idea of any new tax and Shifty Dan Rostenkowski and his boys on the House Ways and Means Committee embraced the diesel tax as an appropriate offset to the “lux tax.” (At the time all this was going on (1991), N.N.T. George was still in office. Of course he didn’t care -- his boat is gasoline powered and he owns a zillion oil wells.) 

The plot thickens. The Little Yacht Broker that Could had convinced his state representative (who, conveniently, was a member of the House Ways and Means Committee) to sponsor his diesel powerboat only “luxury tax” (which is exactly what it is). Gee, you’d think they might have evened things out by taxing mink food, jeweler’s rouge and AV-gas! The rest is history. Truth be known, boat manufacturers/dealers were semi-happy to trade a 20.1 cent diesel tax in exchange for the privilege of selling new boats tax free. I suspect boat buyers feel the same way.

Froot Loop Logic

The thinking behind the “lux tax”/diesel tax tradeoff was fatally flawed and I’ll tell you why. Six months after the “lux tax” was law, just about everyone (including shifty Dan and N.N.T. George) agreed it was losing the government millions of dollars as explained above. The 1990 budget agreement decreed that any tax repeal must be offset by a new source of revenue equivalent to what the repealed tax would have raised (known as “revenue neutral” in Washington speak). In reality, therefore, this loser tax should have been offset by another looser tax or program which would have, in turn, LOST the government a similar amount of money. 

This would truly be “revenue neutral!” A bill to bring back those $2,500 toilet seats might be a good start. More bills endowing millions for studies like “Sex and the Single Snail Darter Fish” would help. Giving Congress full, legal use of latex checks at the taxpayer’s expense (just as they’ve done in the past) would truly “neutralize” the “luxury tax.”

Stabbed By a Puffer

Well, Power and Motor Yachters, we may have to accept this stab in the back from our puffer buddies, but it cannot go unanswered. I am hereby announcing a grass roots effort (“grass roots” doesn’t sound quite right -- let’s call it a “sea bed” effort) to impose a sails tax.  My idea is to tax sail cloth by the square foot.  Included would also be a stiff tax on lead and iron ballast (which should impose a great hardship on some Congressmen who have an abundance of it in their ample posteriors). Most importantly, we must make it known that blowboaters are causing global warming by stealing the wind and tax them for it. (Come to think of it, the Flatulent Congress is probably equally responsible for global warming.)

Let’s face it, until guys like Shifty Dan and his boys get voted off their thrones, rational taxation simply is not possible. If we’re going to have foolish tax policies let’s do it right!  Send your cards and letters to your Congressmen in support of a tax on sail cloth, ballast, and use of the wind. Most importantly, come this November (and every subsequent November), let’s vote the two faced, red nosed, check kiting, bribe taking, hooker chasing phonies the hell out of Washington and replace them with real people.

S.Y.B.I.G.M.

Think of it: The Little Yacht Broker that Could single handedly (with a little help from well-placed friends) lobbied Congress saying “go easy on us and I’ll show you how to stick it to these other guys.” A truly wonderful example of the S.Y.B.I.G.M. (screw you buddy, I got mine) mindset. When the story gets out (it just did!), the relationship between breeze babies and Power and Motor Yachters will not be endeared. But there is hope here. With a concerted effort (and a little help from well-placed friends), you too can take on the Blundering Dunderheads in Washington and win. 

(Reprinted with permission of Regina Fexas.)

If you would like to read more of Tom's pearls of wisdom, tune in next Friday -- "Fexas Friday." 

Better yet, why not get a full dose of infectious Fexas whenever you need it -- and buy one of the volumes below.  Better yet, why not buy all of them -- we call them the "Fexas Five." They will provide many evenings of fun reading (better than Netflix), and you'll make the widow Regina very happy knowing that Tom will live on with you the way most of us remember him. 

Order 1, 2 or "The Fexas Five" --

To find the "Fexas Five" on Amazon, click here...