Slipping and Sliding Towards Oblivion

The Evolution of Floating Blobs

There you sit on the hook in a quiet secluded anchorage.  It is dusk and a large motoryacht enters the harbor and anchors nearby.  Her sheer is a rollercoaster from bow to stern leading one to believe that the loftsman was “heavily medicated” when he drew the lines on the loft floor. The superstructure is bulging with bubbles and bows and wows and whoop-di-doos all over. In fact, the superstructure looks like it is being slowly pressurized from within and will soon explode like an over inflated beach ball!  People on the other boats in the anchorage are pointing and giggling – not good for the ego of the owner who just dropped 12 mil for his new craft.

A good concept carried too far. Sadly, this is the state of more than a few newly designed motor boats and yachts these days and, sorry to say, your spectator was one of the early instigators of this style back in the early 80’s. But it is the Italians who have taken this concept and ran with it to excess.

The Italians Discover Curves

In April of ‘85, there was a Spectator titled “The Square versus the Rounds.”  Here is how I pegged the Italian boat industry at that time: “there were funny bumps, creases, wows, hiccups, indentations and protuberances going off at different, crazy angles with no relationship to one another.  There were structures that, as an engineer, can only describe as “funny things” sticking out of the superstructure at different angles for no apparent reason.” But amongst all of this craziness, there was a hint – just a hint of what was to come. Following the American lead (for a change). Curves were just starting to make an inroad in Italy in 1984.  I ended that article with the now prophetic statement: “If I know the Italians, they will carry their newly discovered roundness to the extreme and soon, boats will look like crayolas left out in the sun too long. After this happens, you can rest assured that sharp creases will be back again.”  

In the February ‘87 Spectator titled “The Blobs are Coming” I remarked that in just a period of a year more boats were showing their curves. “Yes, the rounded look in boats is officially in, being sanctioned by the traditional world styling leaders, the Italians and the era of creeping blobism is now quickly approaching.”  

Six years later after yet another Genoa Boat Show, I wrote an article titled “The Blobs are Here!” I then said, “Blob styling was gaining a foothold in 1987 and I can now tell you that it has completely engulfed the Italian boat industry and, yes, has been carried to the extreme...”

Waterway Pollution

Today blobism has run amuck and is polluting our waterways.  Hear me now – round boats are not necessarily ugly.  The fact is there are many, many very fine boats available on the market with nicely done round styling themes.  Sunseeker, for example, has done a good job without going blob nuts.  A thing of beauty is a thing of beauty and good design is good design, which is timeless.  

What bugs me most are the new hoopy scoopy, serpentine sheer lines now appearing on many new vessels in an attempt to mimic the “sheerline” (actually called a “belt line”) of cars. The belt line on many beautiful cars undulates over the wheels but, mostly, this is a functional thing needed to clear big tires stuffed in the wheel wells. Last time I looked, there were not very many boats fitted with four big tires and this styling trend is a complete affectation were form does not follow function but rather follows fad.  

Detroit Turkeys

But you say “Hey, these designs are done by professional marine stylists who have analyzed the market carefully and methodically shaped a design to bring us into the next decade/century/millennium.” Yeah, right! Listen, in the entire world of design there are no more professional nor bigger styling operations in the world than those found in Detroit at any of the “big three” car manufacturers.  Their size and expertise haven’t prevented many significant styling turkeys. Example: imagine, if you will, sometime around 1955 (when the 1958 models were being designed) some hot shot styling boss at GM is carefully eyeing the full-sized clay styling buck for, say, the 1958 Buick.  

He steps back with a glow of accomplishment on his face as the final chrome glob is hung on the clay model. The body is slathered with all kinds of chrome boobs, spears, stripes, dots, rectangles and teeth atop creased and crinkled sheet metal. The poor car is further adorned with a grille that looks like a whale scooping up algae, another “grille” in the back and, topping off the whole thing, afterthought chrome laden tail fins! The whole thing kind of looks like the result of a back-alley mating of the Batmobile and a Wurlitzer jukebox overseen by Rube Goldberg. And so, taking this magnificent new car all in, our professional, big time stylist steps back and, with a sweeping gesture of his arms says, “Yes, now it is perfect!”

Believe me, friends, if this kind of thing can happen in Detroit (where some real turkeys have been hatched over the years in spite of their extensive styling clinics and research) it can certainly happen in the marine field.  I will say, however, that it has not happened much.  On the whole, in the past most American boats have been of pleasing, if not outstanding style – until the last few years when things have gotten completely out of hand.  

Contemplating Turkeys

So just how do you know if that boat you are contemplating is a turkey. Well, take a good, hard look at your purposed purchase in full profile.  If she gives you the dry heaves, there is obviously something wrong.  There are more subtle reactions that the vessel may evoke, however. When you look at her, does she make you itch all over? Does she instill a giggle? Does she give you gas? Do you wince every time you stare at her? If you answered “yes” to any of the above, the chances are you are dealing with something that will become obsolete very quickly.

In that ‘91 Spectator I made the statement: “rather than subjecting the boating public to, perhaps, five more boring, agonizing years of ever-increasing radii where boats approach the look of a well-used soap bar, let’s just do it all now and get it over with so we can go on to new horizons.”  We modeled here in the office a boat from an actual Dove soap bar with blacked out windows and a huge radar arch. It is a ridiculous example to illustrate a point. Problem is, today many boats actually look very much like my Dove bar boat. 

Really, people, this was only a joke!

(Reprinted with permission of Regina Fexas.)

If you would like to read more of Tom's pearls of wisdom, tune in next Friday -- "Fexas Friday." 

Better yet, why not get a full dose of infectious Fexas whenever you need it -- and buy one of the volumes below.  Better yet, why not buy all of them -- we call them the "Fexas Five." They will provide many evenings of fun reading (better than Netflix), and you'll make the widow Regina very happy knowing that Tom will live on with you the way most of us remember him. 

Order 1, 2 or "The Fexas Five" --

To find the "Fexas Five" on Amazon, click here...