Twisted Observations, Part 2
More Life Along the Intracoastal
A cruise can be a roaring success or a big pain in the butt. It all depends on: a seaworthy vessel, luck, preparation and a modicum of skill (in that order). On a recent, delivery trip up the ditch from Stuart, Florida to Northport, NY all of the above ingredients were present. Last month, I presented some observations of the Intracoastal from a 43’ Mikelson crewed by myself, my wife Regina, “California” Dick Peterson (of Mikelson Yachts) and his wife Jill. The observations continue:
Zombie Wake Jumpers
I would like to report that inbreeding is alive and well in parts of North Carolina. On our run from Swansboro to Belhaven during Memorial Day weekend, there were long stretches of waterway lined on both sides with what appeared to be weekend retreats. We didn’t know it but we were entering dork infested waters! Houses were situated cheek by owl along both sides of a long, narrow highway straight ditch and it seemed that every one of them had at least four PWC. When a fast powerboat such as ours came by, their redneck eyes lit up.
In very close quarters, we had bubbas dangerously jumping our wake for the whole dammed day. Hell, when we intentionally slowed down to get them off our backs they still followed. Many ol’boys trailed us for hours zombielike with glazed eyes and expressionless faces robotically jumping the wake one way then turning around and jumping it the other way. Are we having fun yet? It really does not take much to entertain these people. In addition to the jet skiers we were entertained by skinhead water–skiers flipping us the bird (for some unknown reason), couples fooling around in the bushes and dufuss architecture on some of the houses along the way. The state motto on North Carolina license plates could be: “North Carolina: 5 million people – 15 family names.”
Bridge Keepers
It was with great relief when we cleared our final low bridge in Virginia. Bridge sleepers… er keepers are a tough bunch. I can’t tell you how many of these guys we tried to contact on the VHF without response. Finally, after repeated attempts on the radio, we would blast them with our eardrum- liquefying air horns, and sure enough, a figure would slothenly appear from the bottom of the windows stretching to the upright position. These bastards were sleeping! Special mention must go to the Jarhead Bridge tender at Camp LeJeune Marine Base in North Carolina.
Although this Marine operated bridge was supposed to open on demand and auto traffic was nonexistent, this S.O.B. made us wait for over a half an hour before he opened the bridge just because he could. Things get pretty hairy in northern North Carolina and Virginia where a number of bridges have restricted openings in the morning and afternoon. Throw in a lock between bridges for good measure, and timing is everything or your beautifully planned schedule will be trashed. Bridge tending: what a great job. You get maybe, $10/hour but have control over mega millionaires. You can sleep, watch TV or watch boats all day and get paid for it. When I grow up, I really want to be a bridge tender.
Pick Your Way In
It was surprising how many mainstream waterways did not correspond with charts. Figuring we had old charts, I checked the marine stores immediately after picking our way into these places and found that updated charts just didn’t exist! Let it be known that you are on your on running the Cape Fear River in North Carolina, the York River entrance in Gloucester, Virginia or the entrance to Annapolis, MD.
Time Warp!
Have you ever seen that great movie “The Final Countdown” starring Kirk Douglas as a skipper of an atomic aircraft carrier? It is worthwhile simply for the awesome hardware and the vintage Elco motoryacht featured. The storyline is interesting: a West Coast based carrier encounters some fluky weather, passes through a time warp and finds itself in the Pacific Ocean confronting the Japanese task force on the morning of the attack on Pearl Harbor. Should they destroy the Japanese and change history? Anyway, this movie was brought to mind as we cruised through the haze about half way up Chesapeake Bay. There in the distance like an apparition hung a bark from the 18th century with sails set and crew scurrying about the deck.
Then, in Northern Chesapeake Bay, a World War II Liberty ship materialized out of the haze! “What the hell is going on here?” Maybe we had gone through a time warp. A few weeks later, I was leafing through an issue of Chesapeake Bay magazine and came upon an ad for the bark “Endeavor.” It seems, this replica is making a North America tour and we happened to catch her on the Chesapeake. Another ad in the magazine informed me that the restored Liberty ship “John W. Brown” takes parties out for the day.
The Big (Smelly) Apple
As many times as I have been in and around Manhattan, nothing compares to viewing it from the water. I have done many times and it is always exciting. This was doubly so for “California” Dick and his wife Jill who had never cruised in the Northeast. As we ran up the Jersey Coast, we anticipated the sight of skyscrapers in the distance. What we first saw was a brown cloud. Yes, brown smog hung like a huge fart over Manhattan. Once inside the brown cloud, however, it seemed to dissipate. Living in smog (or a fart) one gets used to the filtered sunlight and unusual aroma. Snaking through the heavy traffic in the Verrazano Narrows, passing the Verrazano Bridge, the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island and the Downtown skyline is one of the most mind-blowing sights you will ever see aboard a boat.
I had been assaulting “California” Dick with stories about Long Island Sound for many years and I’m sure he thought I was exaggerating. But as we slid under the Throgs Neck Bridge where the East River funnels out into Long Island Sound, “California” Dick’s eyes bugged. We had cleared the smog and bright sun shone on the magnificent Sound with its many harbors, busy boating scene (we went by there in a Saturday morning) and very picturesque settings. Dick was impressed. This, after all, was the whole reason for the trip. There is no place like Long Island.
(Reprinted with permission of Regina Fexas.)
If you would like to read more of Tom's pearls of wisdom, tune in next Friday -- "Fexas Friday."
Better yet, why not get a full dose of infectious Fexas whenever you need it -- and buy one of the volumes below. Better yet, why not buy all of them -- we call them the "Fexas Five." They will provide many evenings of fun reading (better than Netflix), and you'll make the widow Regina very happy knowing that Tom will live on with you the way most of us remember him.
Order 1, 2 or "The Fexas Five" --
To find the "Fexas Five" on Amazon, click here...
Tom Fexas (1941-2006) was one of the most influential yacht designers of the last quarter of the 20th century. With the narrow Wall Street commuters that were built in the 1920s and '30s always on the back of his mind, he wanted to design boats that were at once fast, comfortable, seaworthy and economical to operate. Over the years, he and his firm designed over 1,000 yachts for some of the most prestigious boat builders in the world, including Choey Lee, Palmer Johnson, Grand Banks, Mikelson Yachts, Burger, Abeking & Rasmussen and many others.
Even though toward the end of his career he only designed megayachts and superyachts, including the remarkably influential PJ "Time" in 1987, he is best remembered for his first major vessel in 1978 -- Midnight Lace -- which became a series of 44-52-footers. They were light, narrow, and fast with relatively small engines. He was also influential in the boating community because of the monthly column he wrote for Power and Motoryacht, which began in its very first issue in January 1985.